BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND TWITTER BACKGROUNDS

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

its me and me....

After so long i left my blog then here im back.... this time its about me.... well I dont know if its because of age or maybe im just a normal person .. kind of weird feeling haunted me lately.. I cant think straight... i hate almost half of me... Most of the time I dont know n im confused who is me?

Mohd Ridzuan Sulin.. thats my name... other than that? who am I? I failed a lot... im hidding too much... Im kept too much secret... Im sad... Im dissapointed.. I cried.. I dream too much... I scream loud in my heart... too many question WHY? inside my mind.. Its hard to speak out..

If the question ..( if there's anything u want to change in ur past) and my answer will be too many!!... I grow up early.. too early before i shouldnt be.. I have my dream but its gone? I want to be somebody? I dont want to be just ordinary people... Too many thing i want to give in this world but im traped in my own trap..!! I choose the wrong way.. people always say 'its never too late' but i dont know how true was that..!! I used to be stand out person...I stay focus.. I tried too hard to achieve it but it seems useless because I am too naive... Im stupid to not consider what i do... Im over follow the floor until i forgot to step on the ground..

well maybe as human we do made mistakes.. ya.. mistakes is normal but repeat the same mistakes means something wrong with u... I felt guilty to myself because i abandon my dreams.. I forgot about my family hopes upon me.. I really wish i could turn back the time so i can start all over again..

People who knows me would say I can do it... I have this.. I have that.. ( i appreciate it) but the truth is Im different now.. I lost my comfident .. I cant even stand alone.. I felt that nothing much i can do.. Im too far from my dream.. Im failed down... Everytime I want to wake up i failed again and again... I am waiting for my hero to bring me high as high i could be .. But the truth is my hero is myself.. it would not come because the wall i made too high n too big .. I tried not to climb it.. just use the front door but i have forgotten where is th key.. I can use the window but it would not be the same ... I am totally lost n confused now.. Am i drama queen? yes i am because i act a lot until people dont realised how sick n down i am.. If there is a Golden Globe Award i should won it..

I hope there will be a earthquake or tsunami so the wall will disappear.. I want to feel myself again.. I want to feel the victory.. All i can do now is waiting and waiting until the day has come... The day i can stand tall and say yes i made it... i made it to the top!! when? to give hundred person to GOD is unfair .. it must come together with effort.. Im still trying ... People deserve a second chances and I hope it will happen to me..